Happy Saturday morning everyone! Hope you are all in a “melo” mood these days with the latest Knicks trade. The NBA is ruling headlines these days with the recent trading deadline; however, this week I will continue poking fun at baseball, since it is my favorite sport. Please feel free to “laugh out loud” or even chuckle to yourself at any of these mockeries.

Note: The following is NOT based on fact. If in any case these jokes become real headlines, you have the right to consider me psychic.

For anyone who has never seen the Abbott and Costello’s “Who’s on First” skit, you should be ashamed of yourself. This week, I have decided to take on the difficult task of parodying the classic. In doing so, I understand that readers may feel offended or angered by this entry. Despite this probable occurrence, I feel compelled to publish it anyways.

The following conversation takes place between new Mets manager Terry Collins and an elderly baseball fan during spring training in Port St. Lucie:

Fan: Are you the new manager of this here baseball team?

Collins: Yes, I am. Are you a Mets fan?

Fan: I was at Game 5 of the 1969 World Series. Witnessed the “shoe polish” incident with Cleon Jones, as well as the 3-0 deficit they rallied back from to become World Champs. Does that answer your question?

Collins: I suppose it does. Do you still follow the team at all?

Fan: I’ve been away from the game for a few years, but would like to start following again. You being the manager, you could help me learn the players names.

Collins: I’d be happy to. But I must warn you, some of these guys have strange names.

Fan: Alright, could you please tell me the name of your shortstop?

Collins: Jose Reyes.

Fan: Oh, I’ve heard of him. He tends to get injured. So let’s say Reyes lands on the DL at some point in the season, who is the backup shortstop?

Collins: How’d you know?

Fan: What do you mean? I’m asking you the name of your backup shortstop.

Collins: Hu.

Fan: You’re the manager, shouldn’t you know?

Collins: I do know.

Fan: So then, who is the shortstop?

Collins: Certainly.

Fan: Certainly?

Collins: Certainly.

Fan: Ok, I think I’ve figured this out. Suppose you make me your starting second baseman…

Collins: I wouldn’t rule it out as a possibility…

Fan: A man is on first, with one out, and there is a ground ball to second. Me being an exceptional fielder will start the double play by throwing the ball to who?

Collins: Certainly.

Fan: Perfect, so I field the ball cleanly and throw it to certainly?

Collins: No you don’t. You throw the ball to Hu.

Fan: Certainly.

Collins: Now you’ve got it!

Fan: Great! That’s one position. You got a third baseman?

Collins: Wright.

Fan: Well…Are you going to tell me his name?

Collins: I just did!

Fan: Then who is on third?

Collins: No, Hu is at shortstop.

Fan: You already told me who is at shortstop.

Collins: Then why are you putting him on third?

Fan: I’m not putting anyone on third!

Collins: Ok ok ok. Let’s try again. You want to know the third baseman’s name?

Fan: Right.

Collins: There you have it.

Fan: I don’t even know what’s going on anymore!!!

Collins: Calm down. You seem to know the names of the entire left side of the infield. Any other positions you’d like to explore?

Fan: I don’t know. You got any good pitchers?

Collins: I’m sure you’ve heard of Johan Santana. He is usually the ace of our staff, but will be sidelined for most of the season.

Fan: Have any candidates to take his spot?

Collins: Young.

Fan: That doesn’t help very much. All players are young relative to me. What’s the fella’s name?

Collins: Young.

Fan: Oh, his NAME is Young.

Collins: Correct.

Fan: I see, I see. You really need to start using first names. Outfield?

Collins: Angel.

Fan: Very clever. Angels in the outfield. Classic movie with Danny Glover and Christopher Lloyd. You’re a pretty funny guy.

Collins: I assure you, I’m not trying to be. Just telling you like it is.

Fan: Well I appreciate that you’ve taken the time to discuss the team with me.

Collins: My pleasure. You should come out to the field tomorrow for our first exhibition game. It’ll be my treat.

Fan: The starting pitcher?

Collins: Ollie.

Fan: No, thank you.

Collins: Can I ask why you would turn down a free ticket to see a baseball game?

Fan: Quite frankly, Oliver Perez is the worst pitcher in all of baseball. I’m 86 years old and my doctor says that stress like that could kill me.