Today marks the beginning of my new weekly column called “Jeff’s Joke of the Week”. Every Saturday morning I will use some extreme satire to poke fun at the most ridiculous stories in New York Sports. Please feel free to “laugh out loud” or even chuckle to yourself at any of these mockeries.

Note: The following is NOT based on fact. If in any case these jokes become real headlines, you have the right to consider me psychic.

Due to their recent financial distress in regards to the Madoff scandal, the Wilpons have decided to call it quits as majority owners of the New York Mets. Earlier they had planned to sell only a 20-25 percent minority stake to a partner of their choosing, but have since determined to put the team’s interests first. Late Friday night, Fred Wilpon agreed to sell 100 percent of the team, including the rights to SNY and CitiField, to the long-time official mascot of Metlife. Regarding the decision, this is what Fred Wilpon had to say:

Ultimately, Jeff [Wilpon] and I decided that it was the ideal choice for the club. Our business with Bernie [Madoff] put us in an unfortunate situation financially. In the end, we were given an offer we couldn’t refuse. For a beagle, he was very persuasive, and I must congratulate him as the new owner of the Mets. I wish him the best of luck and hope the team can play meaningful baseball throughout the dog days of summer.

Snoopy will host a live press conference today at 2PM on SNY to announce his plans going forward. The following rumors have surfaced along with this story:

  • Fans will see an inflated price for peanuts at games. The reasoning has yet to be determined.
  • CitiField will be renamed Metlife Stadium.
  • Instead of playing the “clap, clap, clap, clap your hands” part of the Cha Cha Slide, fans will get up on their feet and do the “Charlie Brown” at intense points in the game.
  • Every home game will feature “Bring Your Dog To The Park” day.
  • SNY will remain the same. It will stand for SnoopyNet New York.

As a huge Mets fan, I think this is a step in the right direction for the organization. Granted, no dog has ever owned a major league baseball team, but he is definitely in a better financial state than that of the Wilpons. He has been the spokesman at Metlife for nearly thirty years, and need I remind you how popular Charles Schultz made him. Sources say he had his sights set on buying the Philadelphia Eagles from Jeffrey Lurie last summer, but lost interest after the Michael Vick signing. How unfortunate! He could’ve renamed the team Philadelphia Beagles…